Will I Ever Get To Just Sit?

Day Four of being sober has me wondering if I’ll ever see a day where I just sit.  I have been doing everything in my power to stay off the booze. In doing so, I am running myself ragged. Partially, it’s a good thing. I have neglected so much in my life over the past 30 years, I have some catching up to do.

But I miss just hanging out. Not being accountable. Just being. But as I have found myself doing at least twenty times today, when my mind is idle, it wanders.  Wandering has not been my friend historically.

I received a text about an hour ago from a drinking buddy. And that’s really all she is. We can drink Captain like water and neither of us judges the other. We really have nothing in common other than our penchant for the ole cap’n. So when I saw the text from her with the familiar, “What are you doing?” I admit, my heart rate picked up. “Oh God. Please don’t stop by out of the blue.”  So, I honestly replied that I was uploading a photo album to Shutterfly. She wasn’t impressed and I presume went on to text someone else who would be willing to drink on a Sunday afternoon.

So today, I am off the hook. And it feels good. Different, but good.

And the truth is, there will be a day when I can just sit. Today is not that day. It’s gorgeous outside and I think a walk is calling my name.


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