Today marks Day Seven of sobriety. Today also marks my youngest son’s 7th birthday. While I am not a numerologist- not because I have an aversion, but because of that I am ignorant- I cannot help but think about what seven might mean to me today. So, today I am dedicating this blog to my own personal Seven Wonders of the World through my sober eyes.
The first wonder of my new world is health. Although only a week, I feel better. No more headaches, groggy, foggy head at work, or stomach pains. While my skin appears pale, it is clear. I am up a few pounds in weight- no doubt because I am eating as opposed to drinking my dinner. And that’s just fine. My “belly bloat” is all but gone.
The second wonder is clarity. I remember things I promise my children like being there for my daughter’s friend’s prayer vigil, decorating my son’s door for his birthday, and doctor appointments for them. I have the clarity to remember it’s garbage day. Who doesn’t love a good cleanse?
The third wonder is my feelings. While I do not like all of the feelings I am experiencing, I am open to them. Fear, guilt, shame, abandonment are on one spectrum. But the other, oh my! Love, support, care, accomplishment. These are the feelings that keep me going and today they overshadow the negative.
The fourth wonder is peace. I wake up in peace. I did not offend, argue or demean anyone the night before due to my drunken rage. I am in peace waking up knowing each day will be better because of my sober choices.
The fifth wonder is honesty. I am learning to be honest with myself which in turns opens the door to be honest with others, namely, my husband. By being honest, I am being fair to those who love and care about me. By being honest, I am slowly getting my voice back. It is a true wonder because it has been stifled for so long.
The sixth wonder is asking for help. I hated to ask for help. I might appear <gulp> weak. What I realize now is how weak I am when I drink. So this morning, in an effort to turn my life over to God, I prayed the rosary with two other people. I asked to bring a “cheat sheet” because I have never really known how to pray it. Rather than steer myself clear of an opportunity, I asked for help. In doing so, many of the above wonders have fallen into place. I also have sought out the help of a professional life coach who specializes in alcohol abuse to keep myself accountable in “the real world.” We meet this Friday.
The seventh wonder is my relationship with God. I had this belief in the past where I fooled myself into thinking (this is so ridiculous seeing this in print) that God would talk to me when I was drunk. All I had to do was to get a good buzz going and He would reveal Himself to me. The truth is my conscience and my real self were begging me to stop self-medicating. The beauty and truly the wonder of it all is that today, I genuinely feel loved by Him. No night (or day or afternoon for that matter) of drinking can produce this feeling.
So today as I celebrate both my Seventh Day and my son’s 7th birthday, I relish in my new Seven Wonders of my Sober World. And, it feels good.