Hakuna Matata


As my kids are watching The Lion King and Pumba and Timon attempt to cheer up Simba, “Hakuna Matata” is stuck in my head. (and probably will be well into next week…) It’s good timing really, because I’ve been in a funk today. The kind where even when the priest looks at me at church, I’m sure he’s going to talk in his homily about something cynical directed at moi. Or my husband asks if I want a cup of coffee and I assume he thinks I’m irritable even though I haven’t spoken.

Then, I hear my sponsor talking in my head. “Linda, your EGO needs to step down most days.” Oh.

So, I take my invisible eraser, swipe it across myself, and start my day over even though I’ve been awake for six hours. Hakuna Matata.

I don’t have to worry about putting the laundry away right now. Im pretty sure it’s still going to be peering at me over the tops of the baskets in a few hours. I don’t have to scour the panty, freezer and fridge to create a grocery list; I have more than enough food for the week. The one item I need – ketchup- can really wait. And I don’t have to worry about work; that’s still 17 hours from now. And most importantly, I don’t have to worry about other people’s business. This one gets me in trouble. A lot. I find my mind drifting into other people’s yards and I think about how unkempt they are. Judging others. The downfall of yours truly. It’s funny how I hate other people’s opinions about me (unless they’re glowing, of course), but I certainly can jump on the judgment train faster than a cell phone can slip into a flushing toilet. 

The good part is, I am sober today so I can recognize the error of my ways and I can correct them before the landslide of doom occurs.

All I have to do is stay in the moment, chill out and be grateful. The alcoholic in me wants to throw shit into a tail spin so I can create a little drama and chaos in my house; it’s entirely too quiet and everybody is getting along beautifully. 

But I don’t because that’s old behavior. I have to keep peace at the forefront of my mind. Some days, like today, this really takes work. But it is still nowhere near the amount of work it took to hide my drinking from basically everyone around me. And, I have lots of little reminders around me when I choose to be aware of them. Luckily, now is a moment when my mind wants to open up and free the ick.

 

It means no worries for the rest of my days. It’s a problem-free philosophy. Hakuna Matata.

 

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9 thoughts on “Hakuna Matata

  1. The alcoholic in me wants to throw shit into a tail spin so I can create a little drama and chaos in my house; it’s entirely too quiet and everybody is getting along beautifully.

    Aint that the truth!!

    my self centered-ness sometimes thrives to create drama, that i can try to manipulate, for some perverse enjoyment, to be right or be in control. be the director. especially if I’m bored.

    I cant tell you how many times I have that millisecond debate in my mind of “should I say it or not say it”. But really wanting to say it. Really really wanting to start something. Alot of times, when I catch myself, I try to pray about it, to be relieved of the desire. And sometimes I cross the line. Thank god for the ninth step. Though it bugs me that I still have a desire to do the wrong thing.

    thanks for your post

    • You are so right when you pin point self-centeredness as the culprit. More often than not, if I check my Ego, it’s to blame. One of my monthly goals is to think before I speak. I have a very hard time with this as my personality type is spontaneous; however, I cannot use that as an excuse so this is trying for me.
      Thanks for the comment.
      Linda

    • Thanks for the read and your comment. I always like when someone can identify with something I write. The longer I stay on the journey and keep active, the more I realize how damaging my behavior has been to those I really love.

      • That comment was intended to be about the garden post, incidentally. And I did send the wifey the link. She hasn’t replied yet, but there’s a 15 hour time difference, so that’s to be expected. But yeah, really good extended metaphor. It frames the recovery experience so tidily and just makes a lot of sense.

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