Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me!


One year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. Yep. I have been sober for this amount of time. I just reread my first post and I actually feel a little bit sorry for that ole gal. But in a year’s time, so many miracles have happened.
First, I am alive, and I am healthy. A year ago, I was on medication for pain, antidepressants, ibuprofen, you name it. I was not well. My whole body ached whether it be my joints, my head, my back, my stomach. Not a day went by that I didn’t have a complaint about some ailment. I used to tell my husband that I was dying a slow and untimely death every day of my life. For him, it was a joke. For me, it was a reality and I wasn’t laughing. Today, I am only on antidepressants. I know I need them so I take them. As for anything else, I am free and clear. I have zero aches or pains. Nothing hurts today. I realize now that I was literally poisoning myself with alcohol every single day.
I am free. I am able to live my life not by the clock but by the moments. I no longer worry if I have to drive my kids somewhere after school and what time I will be home so I can start drinking. Today, I think about what I have to do after work and smile that I have a car, a license, children who love and need me, and a husband who can rely on me to take the kids to and from their activities. All of those were a matter of being lost to me for good if I continued to drink.
Today I know how to communicate better. I don’t have to use tears, guilt, manipulation, sex or alcohol to get my point across. I can have a rational discussion today; I have the ability to empathize, to see others in a positive light. Am I a great conversationalist? Do I communicate perfectly? Not even close. Put I am a heck of a lot better than I was last year at this time. I am calmer and I can think clearer.
I wake up happy. I am no longer hung over so I can think about my upcoming day and what I have on my plate. I used to be so angry when I woke up. I would get in the shower and try to rehash the previous night. This would result in frustration, shame, and disbelief. That would evolve into anger and self loathing. To my family, it became the routine. “Mommy doesn’t like mornings. She’s a night owl.” No, Mommy loves mornings now and she likes to be in bed early these days.
I have good family and friends. Those who know me and know me well have stood by me. I have had some friends drop me, but they weren’t really friends anyway. They were drinking buddies. My family has been supportive of me and my journey. I have had a number of texts and calls today that mean the world to me. They sound a lot like, “Thanks for making the decision to love yourself. We love you, too, and are glad you are present with us today.” That feels pretty darn good. My sponsor and some other ladies are taking me out to dinner after I get my coin at our 5:15 meeting and I couldn’t be happier. If someone had told me I would be going out with three ladies I don’t currently know for Thai food sober, I would have never believed the story. Yet, here, today, this is my new life; this is my new truth and I couldn’t be any happier.
There are tough days; my previous blogs posts are indicative of that. But, when I was drinking, EVERY damn day was a tough one. Every minute I was alive was painful. Today, that is not even close to the truth.
Just for today, I am grateful, thankful, healthy and happy. For without my Higher Power, the gift of AA, my family and friends, I would not be taking the time out of my day to pray and tell God I am so very grateful for the life- with all of its imperfections- that I have the privilege of living today.

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9 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me!

  1. Well la-di-da…look who’s celebrating their first birthday!! lol. Congrats!!

    Lots of big changes, and I hear a lot of gratitude in here…just love it.

    Happy birthday!!! it looks good on you πŸ˜‰

    Paul

    • Thanks, Paul. When it was my time to share tonight, I told the group celion deon’s Because You Loved Me fits how I totally feel about AA. It was a meeting i will replay often. It’s so incredibly good to be sober! Hugs to you!

    • Thank you. The group has been tremendous and it was a lirtle scary when he walked in. Back at home he shared his first impressions and they weren’t all that different from mine. I might add that being on here was all i really had initially and it has been a constant support as well. So Thank YOU!!

    • Thanks! My sponsor brought cake to the meeting and said. “I hope you like carrot cake.” Just so happens that carrot cake is my absolute favorite kind! We’ve never discussed it; I’m telling ya, the miracles never cease. πŸ™‚

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